Dem Conven Veg Trag!

http://www.metafilter.com/71772/Greening-the-DNC
At this year's Democratic Party National Convention fried food is out and certain
chubsters are already panicking.

http://www.myspace.com/seanbedlam

Brian the clever Brain

I've been intermittently stupid for as long as I can remember, and my memory isn't that crash hot either. Recently I've been thinking about this: I know I'm being bullshitted by mass media and whatnot, but does knowing that mean I'm being bullshitted any less? Come with down the rabbit-hole with me won't you?

Clearly it doesn't pay to overthink certain things, not if you value an unexploded head. And in fact, instead of getting tied up in knots here, I'll do a quick right turn and mention the power of awareness. And the ability of the brain to fix itself.

I'm a big believer in the brain's gift for solving any problem. It can even heal itself if it's allowed to by it's usually woefully ignorant owner.

Which I now realize is why I've been getting more and more into going to the gym. While I'm there, the problems that obsess me find their own level, and as soon as they are comfortable my brain steps in an executes them with a quick bullet to the back of the head.

I love my brain. I does my thinking for me.

Oh look, an accompanying video:


Hang on, is this a related Myspace blog post?
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&pop=1&indicate=1

Work shmirk

The Protestant Work Ethic can kiss my arse with it's sad, sad lips. When I hear Hilary Clinton talking about an America that "values hard work" I want to stage a beanbag and bongsmoke protest outside the White House. Work is the obsession of the confused and the frightened, the stupid and the, okay, the very rich. Who got rich through hard work. But fuck 'em anyway.

What is called "hard work" is often an autistic focus on tasks that make money appear.
It shows a profound lack of faith, this one-eyed financial stepping-stone approach to life. To think this thinking is at heart religious blows my mind! Isn't your God supposed to provide? Consider the lilies in the field, they're not dumbasses who get up before dawn to commute to a shitty job.

Before you get all weird- I've done all this. Every. Shitty. Job. I know it's hard to
escape the grind. But so is- wait for it- hard work. So what are we waiting for? If life is going to suck, and it will, shouldn't it at least suck more to our liking?

It takes willpower and research to make the break from Dullsville but it can be done, people do it all the time. Myself, my income is fuck all, but I'm doing what I want to do, so my life rocks. Even when it sucks, it still kinda rocks.

Here's the related video:


And here's a related Myspace blog post:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=55316421&blogID=396619534

What is Genius? Ask me.

Genius- what is it? Is it the guy with his head buried in the books, eating a crumb sandwich under his cubicle? Is it about having a wacky nerd personality? It's about knowing shit and being able to tell another human of your knowingness. I would suggest the world is full of genius types who haven't discovered the power of human speech. I'm saying the world needs brainiacs who now how to pick up a phone.

Creativity, imagination, genius- these are words that give me a big stiffy. I'm obsessed with getting smarter. Fortunately, blogging and vlogging- I call it blovlogging- gives me the chance to wax obsessed about stuff I would never get away with in my usual social circles. Come to think of it, maybe my friends are stupid.
I hope not.

What I'm suggesting is key in the development of the young thinker is the cultivation of actual relationships with humans. Lets face it, the idea of the mad scientist geniusing away in his basement is that he's, ah, mad. He's lost his fucking mind through lack of contact with other monkeys. Once we have no other humans around, whose behaviour we can mimic to show connectedness, we start to go backwards and become a mass of tics and strange noises.

And that's why I have to make more of an effort to answer messages and comments and whatnot. I'm always "too busy". That's a good way to freak out and end up being a very lonely smartarse indeed.

Yep, I'm a fucking genius.

Here's the related video:


Here's the link to the related Myspace blog:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=55316421&blogID=396589220

Fascism Molecule

Dr Lemur's been getting a lot of shit since going public with his story about being interrogated by Homeland Security.
Apparently it's unbelievable to many people that an innocent man would be stopped on his way into America by an organization named after the Fascism molecule. Oh well, sheep will be sheepish. They love their denial like fresh spring water, it chases their blues away and helps them believe in Superman and that America isn't a global superpower dominated by a military -industrial complex that is itself heavily people with religious fanatics. Not to mention the soulless capitalists who manipulate those fanatics for profit. Shit like that.


and this:

Too much coffee

It is morning, and as I wait for my balls to dry out properly I reflect on the wonder that is you, my adoring audience. Now, I'm a delusional egomaniac who secretly thinks he might be Jesus, but can I share something even more retarded? Well, maybe it isn't, but I...love you. Oh, I know I shouldn't get sentimental over people I barely know, but that's me, I'm passionate even as I apply odorless deodorant.

Gang, the secretnaughtybedlam channel at Youtube has been a resounding success in an unexpected way: the comments aren't all fucking stoopid. It's so heartwarming and precious to feel surrounded by people who aren't dribbling. Problem is, I can't reply
to any of these comments because the reply function is being mean and small-minded.
It's behaving like a door-bitch who wont let me into my own nightclub. Because let's face it, uploading poorly-thought-out vids is exactly like being Al Capone.

I'm fucking thrilled there are some people getting as much out of these vids as I put in- and yes, on the youtubes we do call them 'vids'.

Bullshit Drug War

Oh goody, prohibition! At last we can free ourselves from making decisions like grown-ups! At last we can put an end to pointlessly freaking-out about drunken
youths and cut to the chase. Yep, it's another beautiful day for Drug Martial Law.

You have been free for to long, my friend, but there's nothing wrong with you a severe crackdown won't fix. Once The Man has finished clamping down on your act, you'll be happily- well, not happily, exactly- wearing a suit and tie, sucking up to your boss, and living the exact same dream as all the other marvellously concerned citizens.

Isn't it peachy to live in the Free World, where you're free to say whatever you want, as long as it isn't "I'd like to be more free, thanks!" As long as you accept the freedom that's been given to you, you can have the time of your life- within reason, naturally.

Thank The Lord, we've worked out that not even teenagers should be allowed to prance about experiencing too much freedom. Right now college students are facing the full force of the law, which will no doubt be a sobering experience- tee-hee!

Ah, it takes me back to Nazi Germany, they really knew how to do things. When did marching in lockstep become a bad thing? I'll never understand people these days, with their malcontent and refusal to fit in. When will they learn that there must be
order? My old daddy used to beat the living shit out me and I turned out alright! Sure I have to take massive amounts of poorly tested antidepressants to mask my extensive
self-loathing, but you won't hear me complain. Complaints are for the poor and the
liberal.

Now, where's my noose, I'm off to hang myself in the garage, I've just realized
what I've become. God Bless!

Mindtronauts

I'm a fucking space cadet.

Anal Reality

Loosen up, peaches, the world is getting gayer.

Rock out with your lights out

Today has blasted by like a- fast thing. Too much coffee? Maybe. Recently been thinking about pop culture and it's ability to spread mental illness and sadness- particularly among the young. All these fucked up young people who don't know who or what they are, and stupid fucking reality tv and whatnot aint helping.

Now, I don't want to get all doomy here, I'm looking for the silver lining in the pointless cloud of pop culture shit. Maybe it does fill people's heads with ridiculously useless wants and needs, but maybe we can use it to get some good ideas out there too. Like: you're not as stupid as you think you are. Sure young fuckers want to be famous and such rubbish, but they also undervalue themselves big-time.

But how do I know I'm not getting my silly ideas about people from pop-culture? Good question, so fuck off. What's happening is my usual moodswing from optimism to anger and back again. It's inevitable and useful and keeps my life and mind dynamic.

Rock out.

Here's the vid:

I'm color-blind and tone-deaf

Continuing the theme of hate, I'd like to point out that I'm a strong supporter of intensely negative feelings and have been since my miserable childhood which was worse than yours. Being a comedian, I find really bad shit is the only truly funny goldmine.
Stuff that's not quite ideal, things that could be better, these moments and situations just don't pack the emotional punch of say, a genocide, or an outbreak of The Black Death. Why am I pointing out the obvious? Because I don't know what I'm thinking, and I
hope that if I keep typing I'll stumble across a clue. I like clues.

Since the dawn of time, man has struggled with inner demons and outer big animals with fangs and a hunger for man-flesh. These experiences have made their mark on our DNA and that's why we're surrounded to this day by fucking idiots who are scared of shit that will never happen. I'm not one to stand in judgement of these people because I get those feelings too, but for some reason I feel superior, so too bad fuckers!

Those of us who are faintly aware of life outside of being scared and covered in shit have a reponsibility to tell people they're behaving lick assholes. It's quite the burden, but the alternative is being one of the little people. Eeeuuuww! Fuck that, I like it up here on my high horse.

Here's a video demonstrating my superior intellect and sense of entitlement:

Racism'o'clock in The Sticks

Racism in all it's forms is hilarious, but there's nothing quite like the freshly-clipped lawn smell of the kind of racism that says, "I'm proud to be on the losing team!" Fucking idiots. "I'd rather be stupid than wrong!" They've got no end of
senseless upside-down shit to spout and they'll hit you with it like a big firehose
of wrong. I'm talking about your pig-ignorant motherfuckers who cannot sleep until they've ruined a sensitive person's day. Assholes.

Phew! Don't these pinheads ever get tired? Or does being the brick wall I'm trying to talk to give you some kind of brick-superpowers? Thank god you're breeding! I'd miss our little chats with your bad and edgy self. Remember the time you told me you "Don't trust Arabs"? That was funny. So funny it stuck in my mind like a piece of hilarious shrapnel.

Nothing turns me into an armchair warrior faster than a deadset bigot mewling lies on a screen. "Why won't the cameraman brain this fuck with his Sony miniDVD handheld? Did he get tangled up in his boom mike and miss the moment?"

Anyway, here's a video:

Shit on the Tubes

So maybe I'm contradicting myself after earlier this week saying people who find Youtube boring are themselves boring, but! One has noticed a tendency among Tubers to whore for subscriptions, views and other bullshit, as if pandering to an audience isn't a great way to lose your integrity, soul, street-cred and balls.

Maybe I'm hitting the gym too much and my testosterone has skyrocketed but I feel like getting right up in the faces of people who are repeatedly abusing the trust of their audience by second-guessing and making bullshit vids. "What will people watch? Is puppy-licking big this week? I'll do that!" Fuckers! Grow a spine and risk reaching into your own imagination for ideas! Be yourself! Is a self there?

God I'm awesome! I guess that just comes naturally with always being right. But my infallibility aside, is it just me who thinks people with an audience drag the whole community down when they mindlessly drool after larger numbers of viewers? I mean, I want millions of people watching my stuff, but isn't the way to do that kinda all about making videos with a- okay, I'm going to say it- a point?

I'm a fine one to be talking about dignity- I'm a clown, for fuck's sake- but there you go, even comedy scamps gambolling on the hillsides of, ah, comedy, get the blues.
Not that I've got the blues, its more of an interwebnets road-rage type thing....

Well, jeepers. Since Youtube is currently performing site maintenance there's no point working on a video just now. (I make and post videos in as close to real-time as possible, if that makes any sense. Whatever.) So let's talk about filthy dirty money and the idea of "E-Begging'. Apparently it's a fucked thing.

E-Begging is where a Youtuber suddenly starts asking for cash from the audience. This is considered a violation of the sacred trust held between people who aren't paying to watch a guy pour his heart out, and the guy, who isn't getting a red cent for his work. I'm sure you can understand that people who've gotten used to getting shit for free would get very self-righteous about living the life of a spoilt prick.

In my own case, I feel very grateful that I have an audience who are very acknowledging and kind to me, I also feel any one of them who has a problem with me getting paid would look good getting tree-fucked, Evil Dead style. Incredibly harsh and putrid, I know, but these are the strong vibes I feel when bored people stand between me and eating food. While wearing clothes. That I paid for.

I put a lot of work into bringing hateful toilet humor to the world, a world that needs it, and a world that can fucking well afford to pay for it. Last time I checked there's money for every other stupid activity on the planet- surely there's enough left over for my stupetivities.

Why am I bothering to tell you any of this? Because stupid people confuse me. They hide among the humans, revealing their true form only after they've struck again, zapping me with confusion rays and throwing me off my game.

Hmmmm....sounds like I need to get over this issue and simply set about extracting dollars from people. Shamelessly. One lovely person suggested setting up a Sean Bedlam Club that would involve a subscription fee and access to my entire private collection of videos. Not a bad idea. Maybe.

By the way! Thanks again to the lovely people who've been using my Paypal button! It's a deeply moving experience. ;)

Davis Fleetwood: Man

Davis Fleetwood came and went like a comet across the Youtube sky. His passion for politics and the possibility that he might not be a real person set him apart from the
herd of self-aggrandizing misfits. His knowing what the fuck he was talking about didn't hurt, neither.

Recently Davis called it quits, perhaps feeling his online persona wrapping tightly about his neck, crushing the life out of his creative urge and making his neck hurt. Perhaps noticing every day that he wasn't getting paid for this shit was raining hideous blows on his sense of reality. Who knows? I fucking don't.

I do know one very important thing, my friends, but it's a secret and I'm not going to tell you what it is, because right now I need some bullshit sense of mystery. Perhaps a mystery to replace the mystery of Davis Fleetwood, who has taken his mystery and fucked off. Oh well.

Perhaps he will return.

Boredom Alert

The idea of staring at a searchbar with no idea what to type into it fills me with mockery. I've noticed this tendency among boring people to describe Youtube as boring. There's a connection there I think we're both picking up, but the fact it's obvious doesn't mean it isn't worth discussing. Or something.

Since I discovered Youtube- I don't mean like the North Pole of Shangri La, I mean like getting fatter while clicking links- since that day people have complained to me Youtube has changed and is boring. It's some kind of fucking trap!
"No. You're boring, and now you're boring me! Oh! Foul day, when the tiresomeness of tired people makes me feel tired and shit!"

But hey, just because certain shit is obvious to me, doesn't mean I shouldn't use poor grammar to point out that glaring obviousness. If you know what I mean, and I think you do, because I'm using language a coma patient could comprehend from behind closed eyelids.

Aaaaannnd here's the accompanying amusing vidjo:

Satan's Vigilantes

As usual I'm thinking about three things at once- I blame coffee! These things can probably fit under one subject-heading though, "Discouraging Motherfuckers." I'm wondering, for instance, what is going to happen to the discouraging motherfuckers who were so red hot for an invasion of Iraq. Do these assholes get away scot-free? Shouldn't these people at least take part in a Truth and Reconciliation Commission? Because it wasn't that long ago these turds were treating the anti-invasion crowd like traitors. I'm bitter about that.

I remember when these pieces of shit were labelling marchers against the war Friends
of Saddam. That was a nice touch. They didn't quite call for lychings, but they were sure headed in that direction with a packed lunch and a bottle of water.

I'm kinda not stoked that us peacemongers are expected to suck it up no matter what is thrown a us, and I'm not talking about insults here. I'm talking about other members of the political class filling less-informed (or obsessed) folk's heads with shit. I'm not thrilled that Joe Sixpack thinks I'm a fucking terrorist who should be shot. Not because it feels bad, but because, gee, I dunno, that sounds a bit fucking Dangerous.

Sorta fairly related video follows:

Youtube Community Newness News

It's sad that a few Youtubers who have contributed so much to the community are now kinda snowed under to the the extent they don't make videos very often. I'd like to think there have to be ways these people can continue to vlog candidly while their lives change, but then again I'm a genius who sees opportunity where others see failure, death and floating bodies in the river of life.

Paperlilies speaks of the "newness" of Youtube fading, and that's true, but the situation is still the same: for the first time in history This Is Happening! For the first time such a resource is available and it's important to step back, take a deep breath and say, "My God! How could I have let myself forget that Sean Bedlam is a total fucking legend?"

But it's not all about me- okay it is- it's about you. Tube. You can switch on a camera, spill your guts, watch the result, cringe, and try again. Because in a way it's not about an audience, it's about you spending time bonding with yourself publicly. Where else do you get to hear yourself droning on about what's bugging you? If you tried that shit anywhere else you'd be rightly told to fuck off. With Youtube you are first told you're fat and gay, and only then are you told to fuck off. It's that feedback that's so crucial.

I'm not saying using Youtube is going to change your life! If you're like most people you're barely aware you are actually alive, let alone getting into high-falutin' ideas
about personal change and spiritual penis-growth. Alls I'm sayin' is the opportunity is still here to grow yourself a very healthy ego- for free, basically- and hang out with lots of different people who are also finding wonderful new ways to get over themselves, heal the world, and build the first spaceships to the centre of the galaxy.

Shit like that.

And here's the related vidjo:

Family! Bah!

Hi, and welcome to an exciting new week of me being talented and interesting. The first vid on my secretnaughtybedlam Youtube channel is on the subject of family. Fuck 'em. I love my family but they can go and get fucked. I'd like to push them off a cliff while listening to Queens of the Stone Age on my noise-cancelling headphones. The idea of their final screams going unheard thrills me to pieces.

People think I'm joking when I say I want to witness or take part in the severe asskicking of my family. I am indeed joking, but it's only funny because its true.
I'd like to kick their asses 'til my foot broke off. Then I could blame them for my foot damage, which is pure family victimhood gravy. Fuck 'em.

Families are not wonderful. They are the worst kind of relationships, based on guilt and blame, and I'd rather be rocking out with some loathsome wino in a mud-filled ditch than listen to one more word of my family's endless shit.

Which is not to say I don't enjoy the company of my family! Of course I do! As long as we don't talk about anything real, touch on subjects that matter, or accidentally spill over into relevance, I can talk to these emotional spastics for hours!

Some call me bitter! Wow! What are you? My Dad? Chill the fuck out, okay? It's not Christmas Day here- we're allowed to share our true feelings! We don't have to pretend everything's okay so Mum won't shatter into a million pieces. We don't have to tiptoe around Dad, who is so blinded by self-loathing he can barely make out the bottle of Vanilla Essence.

Here, we can hold hands and walk the sunset boulevards of ideas, safe in the knowledge
that far, far away, our family members smoulder quietly in repressed and putrid pointlessness. Yay.

And here's the related video:

My new youtube channel starring me

So I'm fairly certain I recently vowed to blog constantly or some shit. Didn't happen, but what I have been doing is making one ten minute video after another. I've got a new channel called secretnaughtybedlam, and there you will find me being not very entertaining at great fucking length.

Um, I think I must have decided that if I'm going to go hard with this vlogging shit I
need to do a hell of a lot more. I'm not sure what happened because I don't keep a journal, and let's face it, knowing what you're doing is gay.

Anyway, the new channel is taking on a life of it's own and I've been enjoying it immensely, which is of course the only way to enjoy anything. With no pressure to be funny I can play around with ideas- or talk endless crap, you decide- and really get a big fat dose of listening to the marvelous sound of my own lovely voice.

God I love me! I'm always doing something cool and interesting! Seriously though, I'm awesome, and it's been great to totally fucking cut loose from entertaining the little people and talk about what's really on my endlessly fascinating mind.

I warn you though- both of you- that if you're not up for an earful of some guy droning on and on about the world's problems, this channel is so not for you. It's just me. Talking. That's it. It's all very serious and even kinda sad as I entertain
the notion that I have some kind of insight into anything whatsoever. Well, what I mean by that is I'm a genius and you probably wont be able to grasp what I'm saying with your commonplace and limited intelligence. Poor you.

So. New channel. New avalanche of my fucking shit.