The Secret Of Success

First Person Shooters: Peace Making Funz

Gamers are probably not a great advertisment for gaming, but we don't hold dumb sportspeople against sport do we? Very few think sport makes you stupid, so why is gaming- especially violent games- seen as such a threat to young minds? Because people are caaaarnts- cuuuuuhhnts who it is good to destroy inside a video game. If these fuckers knew how lucky they were to live in a world where they aren't being killed! What I'm saying is moralizing arsehols are being kept alive by onscreen violence. It's that simple.

Unfiltered Prejudice

So it took six months for this year to get underway, but in the last cuppla weeks I've put together 7 videos that I feel good about. So it's fucking 2009 at last!

The first one was pretty much me blowing off steam about the sheer pointlessness of human existence. It's always nice to remember you're not imagining the chronic full-of-shitness you seem to be confronted with each and every day. Shit, that's the crap that ate the first six months of this year. (Shit and crap in the same sentence? Why not!)

By the way, Youtube has a new feature that allows people to protect themselves from rude words. So far that seems like a hilarious idea that has no effect on me and isn't
censorship, but we'll see about that, I guess. I will say that instead of complaining about Youtube's oppressive corporate behaviour, people could try being a community, but I may be missing something important...



Because I've spent so much time being exposed to Youtube germs, I am fucking obsessed with Manchildren. They seem to be around every corner and boy do they look like evidence in the case for Earth deserving a nice fat asteroid.

I read a Savage Love letter that involved a guy who had a rather unkempt butthole. Turns out this is a bit of a thing! Wow. Dudes, adults, are finding it beyond themselves to keep their rings shiny. I am flabbergasted.

Anyway, it struck me as the classic case of manchild shame culture that is built on a stinking nest of secrets. Or something. I'm working on a film script about Manchildren, such is my obsession with this world...



I woke to the news Michael Jackson was dead, walked to the cafe where I practice saying hello and opened my laptop. I was immediately transported to a world of griefsturbation. I was a teenager throughout the 80's, but somehow my memories were implanted by liars. Jesus. The outpouring of "MJ WAS the 80's" coffin touching had me
white hot with lie hate before my first coffee arrived. I'm aware that many people who post shit online need to get out more, but their obsession with their own childhood as a coping mechanism was really coming out in all its hurlsome glory that morning.

What I saw was people who genuinely couldn't seem to tell the difference between things that happened when they were younger, and things that happened on a motherfucken television. I never gave Michael Jackson tons of thought- there was no need, because his marketing machine made him impossible to avoid. Somehow in people's head this was translated into genius pop omniscience. Fuck off.

Plus, he was a quite a bit of a cunt...



The Let's Pretend Michael Jackson Festival continued until I was hardly the lone ranger in wanting to commence mass executions of maudlin arseholes. I found it impossible to follow through my thoughts on anything else. It was disturbing. It just goes to show how far this crap gets into your head. It reminds of of fantasists who believe advertising has no effect on them. Oh, tee hee hee!



Before I went to a whole lot of shows at this year's Melbourne Comedy Festival, I thought I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, now I'm cured. My God, what was I thinking? The live comedy scene is almost militantly apolitical. The three or so comics who did anything deep have clearly paid a high price for putting some actual emotion into their work.

No standup for me, folks, no fucking way. I thought I needed to do it to "prove something"- or something- but there's no space for someone like me there. I'm not a professional. I don't do anything I do for money or fame. I do what I do because I have stared into the mouth of madness and I'd like to share the knowldge that it aint so bad in there.

What I saw- and it makes sense, I'm not judging here- is comics deferring their own
happiness until they're sufficiently powerful to talk about anything deep. But I don't see how you can do that without becoming a real live soulless hack. Well, I can't...

So this video was kind of about me seeing my audience at Youtube as an end in itself.



I have never despised any public fugure the way I do Sarah Palin. She is my natural enemy. If we were out on the savannah I would not stop until I'd found a way to hunt her down. While my tribe were eating her flesh I would tell a long story that would explain why it's okay to choose your enemies based only on their smell.



A lot of people I otherwise agree with on many issues are fixated on 9/11 and it just puts me to sleep. An obsessive focus on the events of that day seem like a way to marginalize yourself unnecessarily, but that's not the point. For me, the point is just how skull-burstingly rude many Truthists often are. It's disturbing to see these bright people are prepared to denounce and reject anyone who doesn't want to play with their conspiracy theories.

Me And Mrs. Alex Jones

I'm Talking About Sarah Palin

"got any SPECIFIC reason for hating Palin or is it your defective liberal gene doing the yapping for you??,...you kangaroo jumper"

Okey-dokey (wink): She's a crazy fucking cunt who has singlehandedly dragged the political debate in the most powerful military nation on Earth to a level that even Dubya would find truly embarrassing. Say what you like about Dubya, his stupidity wasn't vengeful or malicious. Palin, on the other hand, runs on resentment and not much else.

Apart from the fact that most of her opinions are based on complete fucking bullshit, she is absolutely thrilled to trumpet her retarded 'values' as the only possible point of view an adult human can have. A 9 year old has a better sense of perspective, but then, that would be humility, which this Jesus Bitch seems to feel is beneath her.

The night after I fucked her in a putrid motel she called her 'little hideaway' I found marks on my knob that looked like I'd been attacked by a blue-ringed octopus. Apart from the logistics involved in smuggling a dangerous Australian octopus into Alaska, I couldn't work out why I was feeling no side-effects.

It was then I realized she had applied the frightening sea beast to my genitals so she could enjoy the act of sucking out the poison. I seem to recall through a haze of drug cocktail memories her saying, "I'll take you to the EDGE! You betcha," followed by some muttering about 'nosy neigbors', and an encounter with a moose.

Delusional Warrior!

Twinkly Shoes

Michael Jackson: Greatest Human Ever

Dot Maintenance

The rectum is the antechamber between the bowel and the anus.

War Is Fun

After a seeming age of no-time-to-be-creative, followed by a week or so of not being able to remember how I make videos, I finally spat out a new effort.